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*Check out the FEATURE ARCHIVES!!!* Is Barack Obama the Blaxploitation President? 02/01/10 By Wil Forbis Did the onslaught of Shaft and Superfly in the 70s lead to the election of Barack Obama in 2008? St. Peter's Waiting Room Part II 02/01/10 By Tom Waters Tom's vacation memoir continues with palatable exotic stones, reclusive Kentucky fried chicken and Catwoman. And booze of course. Lots of booze. St. Peter's Waiting Room 01/01/10 By Tom Waters Tom and his new wife visit his parents in Florida for an orgy of tobacco, alcohol and gastrointestinal delights. Chronicles of a Shit Magnet 01/01/10 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny Apocalypse just wants to be left in peace. But if you screw with him, you'll face the dreaded "arm bar." Apocalypse after Christmas 12/01/09 By Johnny Apocalypse Why it's getting to be a Yuletide tradition! In a new Christmas poem, Johnny releases a barrage of gunfire in his all-out war with St. Nick. Pronunciation 12/01/09 By Tom Waters The big day has arrived: Tom Waters has gotten married! At what point will his new bride realize the horrible mistake she's made? “That Hotel is a Dump and your Monopoly is Pathetic!” 11/01/09 By Johnny Apocalypse Ah, the sweet simplicity of a board game on a summer day. Johnny demonstrates the ruthlessness needed to win at the Parker Brothers classic and clarifies when not to call in sexual favors. Literati 10/01/09 By Tom Waters Tom delivers his magnum opus on the plethora of science fiction, true crime, biographical and horror tomes spilling off his bookshelves. I Don't Know What to Write about By Johnny Apocalypse 10/01/09 Johnny wrestles with the greatest fear a writer faces: the blank page. Can he commit ink to paper before the Forbis goons appear? The Divine Pop Comedy: Elton John’s Last Three Studio Albums 8/01/09 By Tom Waters In a book excerpt, Tom takes a look at the trio of albums the prodigious pianist released during the 2000s. What did Michael Jackson do? 6/01/09 By Wil Forbis Reflections on the end of the reign of the King of Pop. Boxing: It Has Little to do with Cardboard 6/01/09 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny analyzes the enduring appeal of the greatest sport and defends its inherent brutality. Susan Boyle, Amy Winehouse and The Politics of Performance 6/01/09 By Wil Forbis The success of Susan Boyle, the least glamorous chanteuse in human history, prompts thought about what we as an audience seek from our entertainers. Oral Technique 6/01/09 By Tom Waters After years of wielding the author's pen, Tom is making the tricky transition to talk radio host. Confessions of a Metalholic 5/01/09 By Wil Forbis What secret ties bind together1980s heavy metal, existential philosophy and Mickey Rourke's "The Wrestler"? Plus, learn to spot "gay metal." The Golden Age of Hearing Loss 5/01/09 By John Saleeby Aerosmith! Queen! Van Halen! Saleeby reminisces on classic concerts by the great metal bands of the 1970s. Tom and Twig 5/01/09 By Tom Waters Bad teeth and all, Tom turns out to truly be his mother's son. When Metal Was Young 5/01/09 By Johnny Apocalypse Have Black Sabbath, Deep Purple and Wishbone Ash been written out of your music history books? Johnny fixes the record. Survey of the Heavy Metal Bands of My Youth 5/01/09 By Wil Forbis Tesla, Great White and Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction were once the cat's meow. Have they stood the test of time? Review of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" 5/01/09 By Jane Mihn Is the latest entry into the X-Men franchise even worth downloading? Even Torture Has Its Downsides 4/01/09 By Wil Forbis Can a visit to a kitsch museum in the back alleys of Amsterdam spark an honest discussion on the merits of torture? Clint Eastwood Can Blow Me! 4/01/09 By John Saleeby John views Clint Eastwood's recent historical drama "Changeling" and concludes that the great director has fallen from grace. Also mentioned: King Kong versus the giant spiders. The Department of Goofing Off 4/01/09 By Tom Waters Freshly released from the toils of daytime servitude, Tom rails against the DMV-like ineptitude of the US Department of Labor. Interesting Questions 4/01/09 By Johnny Apocalypse Can another nation steal Canada's name? Can our ethical code be summed up in a single slogan? Johnny asks the questions the mainstream media won't! Braddah Obama 3/01/09 By Wil Forbis Did the challenges of a youth spent in Hawaii helped develop Barack Obama's canny political ability? Christmas Stocking Stuffer DVDs '08! 3/01/09 By John Saleeby John tallies up his Christmas loot and waxes philosophically about the best Lutheran stop motion animation show in the known universe. Thoughts On The Flight 3407 Plane Crash… 3/01/09 By Tom Waters A native of Buffalo, Tom responds to the recent tragic plane crash and ruminates on the role the media will take in covering it. A Review of "Slash" 1/01/09 By Wil Forbis The recently released autobiography by the former lead guitarist of Guns N' Roses reveals all the chaos, debauchery and insanity that made the band a monster to be contended with. Also: why it's best to not share your groupies with Izzy Stradlin. Reviewing Politicians 1/01/09 By Johnny Apocalypse How do some of our recently elected officials fare when reviewed with the same critical eye that we cast upon our movies, our music and our television shows? Not well at all, my friend, not well at all. Pussy Magnet 1/01/09 By Tom Waters An admitted dog person, Tom is slowly being won over by the charms of the feline species. Letter to Clients of Tumwater and Dowbringer Financial Services 12/01/08 By Wil Forbis As the world financial system teeters on the brink of collapse, the erudite leadership of one of America's most respected financial institutions offers this advice: it's only going to get worse! Double-Barrel Diplomacy 12/01/08 By Tom Waters Tom may be forced to tolerate his Canadian neighbors to the north, but he doesn't have to like it. Apocalypse on Christmas 12/01/08 By Johnny Apocalypse Why aren't there more Christmas poems featuring cigarettes and automatic pistols? Bring on the Monkeys 11/01/08 By John Saleeby Its three movie reviews in one as Saleeby considers recent comedy classics "Electric Apricot," "The Trailer Park Boys," and "Postal." Sawed-off Sam Walton 11/01/08 By Tom Waters Tom contemplates the horror of a life spent in retail hell. 26 Years of My Bullshit By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny recounts his life as a caffeine addict, crime fanatic and philosopher and turns out to be a pretty interesting guy. Just don't vote for him. World War Z 10/01/08 By Wil Forbis How does Max Brooks's collection of first-person accounts of the zombie Holocaust make flesh eating ghouls scarier than they've ever been on film? By taking them seriously. Beer & Foaming At The Mouth On The Campaign Trail 10/01/08 By Tom Waters Wanna hear something really scary? Tom Waters is getting married! He's a Nasty Son of a Gun 10/01/08 By John Saleeby John recalls the heyday of the horror host including such beloved broadcasters as Doctor Creep, Vampira, Ghoulardi and Morgus. And introducing: SCHIZO AND COLOSTOMO! Batman, Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk Walk into a Bar... 08/01/08 By Wil Forbis The summer of the superhero blockbuster is upon us. Can the latest attempts to translate comic book characters to the big screen cut the mustard? I'm Not Paying $50 for a Hamburger! 08/01/08 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny Apocalypse announces he's cheap and the world replies, "How cheap is he?" Read the article to find out. Frank Miller Can Blow Me! 08/01/08 By Tom Waters Tom contributes to the acclaimed acid logic series of media criticism by targeting the comic book legend behind "The Dark Knight" and "Sin City." "The Thing" versus "The Thing" 07/01/08 By John Saleeby It's a monster movie face-off as Saleeby pits the Howard Hawks' classic "The Thing from Another World" against "John Carpenter's The Thing." Quiet Time Or Else 07/01/08 By Tom Waters Tom finds his efforts to find a little peace and quiet constantly foiled by the appendages of modern society. Why Nirvana Blows 06/01/08 By Wil Forbis In his first selection from his in progress book on the grunge years, Wil defends his refusal to join the cult of Cobain. On Spec 06/01/08 By Tom Waters Tom contemplates on how form and format affect the fuel that the writer depends on for inspiration. One Sentence Movie Reviews 06/01/08 by Johnny Apocalypse Johnny soliloquizes single sentence synopsi of such movies as "Sudden Impact," "Eyes Wide Shut" and "Night of the Comet." Day of Our Deaths 05/01/08 By John Saleeby While reviewing the remake of George Romero's "Day of the Dead," John proffers the theory that horror criticism has reached the same neglectful stage as rock criticism did in the 1970s. Then he gets distracted by Mena Suvari in a thong bikini. Perpetual Estrogen 05/01/08 By Tom Waters After living with a woman for almost four years, Tom has started to notice a few things about the fairer sex. Mainly that they're crazy. A Few Goals in My Life 04/01/08 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny lays out a few of his aspirations for life including driving cross-country with his knees and catching the Zodiac killer. Reviews of Records I Never Actually Listened to 04/01/08 By John Saleeby Panic at the Disco. The Raconteurs. Bob Mould. John doesn't need to listen to 'em to know what he's talking about. Underwear on the Outside 04/01/08 By Tom Waters Some people shoot up. Some people smoke crack. But Tom has a serious habit: comic books! He takes pause from his addiction to review the good and the bad. A Few Facts of Life 04/01/08 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny offers a few hearty truths, like "the only thing banana flavored that's any good is bananas," and "nature does not like us." Paul Reiser's The Thing About My Folks 03/01/08 By Lujane Crotch Lujane reviews a movie by the Maestro of "Mad about You" and still finds time for several child molestation jokes. Creationism and the Quick Ban 03/01/08 By Tom Waters Tom comments on the strange habits of writers and takes a look back on his career. Meet the Blaxploitation Superheroes!!! 02/01/08 By Wil Forbis In the 1970's as "Shaft" and "Foxy Brown" raged on screens, Marvel Comics populated their universe with super-soul brothers like Luke Cage, The Black Panther and the Prowler. Why It’s A Good Idea Not To Taunt Your Cuisinart 02/01/08 By Tom Waters In the eternal battle between man and machine, Tom concedes defeat. The Flower People 01/01/08 By Stardumb Whoa man - trip out on the first ever Acid Logic music video! It'll get you grooving to a whole new age of aquarius. But What About "The Wasp Woman"? 12/01/07 By John Saleeby Step aside, Kubrick. Hit the skids, Tarentino. John peruses the latest box set of Roger Corman films and crowns the b-movie auteur king! Butch and Tom 12/01/07 By Tom Waters Break out the bourbon on the rocks -Tom is turning into his father. But maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Politics, or How to Lose Your Mind by Choosing to Vote 12/01/07 By Johnny Apocalypse Just in time for the election cycle, Johnny tackles the foibles of a political system that drives him up the wall. Best Laid Nervous Breakdowns 10/01/07 By Tom Waters Say it ain't so! The king of the gentleman bachelors, Tom Waters, is taking the plunge! The Acid Logic Guide To Squeamish Jew Humor 09/01/07 By John Saleeby Learn to riff in the style of Woody Allen, Ben Stiller and Jerry Seinfeld! Written by a professional (non Jewish) comedian. Cherry Trees & White House Interns 09/01/07 By Tom Waters Tom puts forth the case that honesty is the best policy. No, seriously! The Acid Logic One Hundred Best Movies Of All Time List (100% Spielberg-Scorsese Free) 08/01/07 By John Saleeby Tired of reading top 100 movie lists that don't even contain a single George Romero film? Saleeby sets the record straight. Form of.. A Spoon 08/01/07 By Tom Waters The end is nigh! Tom's libido has taken a backseat to cuddling and conversation. Unrecognized Guitar Gods 08/01/07 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny gives Steve Howe, Buck Dharma and Dweezil Zappa the shout out they deserve. Hey, what's Gary Richrath (REO Speedwagon) doing here? The Feminist Politics of Hostel II 06/01/07 By Wil Forbis The latest Eli Roth horror spectacular has been denounced by alarmist movie critics as misogynistic torture porn. But does a more nuanced analysis reveal a different set of politics? Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Into Fat Gamers 06/01/07 By Tom Waters Who will mourn the modern video game nerd's slow waddle towards extinction? Certainly not Tom. Keith Richards Can Blow Me!!! 06/01/07 By John Saleeby John uncovers the secret plot by the boomer generation to crown Keith Richards king. But is it too late to save Lindsey Lohan? Dear Mahmoud05/01/07 By Jon Gagas Jon Gagas returns to our pages and offers a plea to the other power-mad, fundamentalist dictator of our times. Johnny ApocalypseAnswers his Mail 05/01/07 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny defends his acid logic output from internet critics, porn spam-masters and our own editorial staff. The Problem Video Games Cause 04/01/07 By Johnny Apocalypse Drug use? Childhood obesity? Homicidal urges? Don't blame me, ma, blame Donkey Kong! Aw, Big Deal About Scarlett Johanson!! 04/01/07 By John Saleeby What happens when John Saleeby melts a Creature from the Black Lagoon mask to his face and opens for Rascal Flatts? Not what you'd think. Well, maybe exactly what you'd think. Breaking the Audience's Bond 04/01/07 By Katharine Coldiron Katharine applauds Daniel Craig's "new" James Bond but longs for Roger Moore's bad puns and cheeky mirth. 8 Simple Rules For Doing Something With Your Life 04/01/07 By Tom Waters Put down the crack pipe, pull up your pants and listen to Tom's sage advice on how to obtain gainful employment. Lights! Camera! Crazy Women Biting Guy's Dicks Off!! 02/01/07 By John Saleeby We all assumed Saleeby couldn't get any crazier. When will we learn? Investigating the Unexplained 01/01/07 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny gets up close and personal with UFOs, the Lock Ness Monster, ghosts and Bigfoot. No Wonder Lennon Was Such a Miserable Prick 01/01/07 By Tom Waters Are you filled with hope at the start of a new year? Let Tom's rage at a society of stinking, ignorant masses let the air out of your basketball. Know Your Friendly Neighborhood CIA Agent 01/01/07 By Seana Sperling Seana recalls her adventures in the Peace Corp and the onslaught of Central Intelligence. News from Around the World 12/01/06 By Johnny Apocalypse Vikings protest at the U.N.? Death arrested? A cure for cancer? Johnny reports from the edge of unreality. Predators and Editors 12/01/06 By Tom Waters Tom applies the nine rules of myspace. Don't miss the shock ending! A Higher Power 11/01/06 By Max Burbank Max Burbank returns to contemplate the voices in President Bush's head in this elegantly rendered comic strip. Avoiding the Devil in Your Daily Life 11/01/06 By Johnny Apocalypse Bryan provides a laugh rich guide on how how to avoid the devil in his many guises... like celery, the music of the Police and "Great Expectations." Comics that Made Me Shit My Pants 11/01/06 By Wil Forbis It's not "Comics that Made Me Kill My Parents," or "Comics that Made Me Worship Satan," but just "Comics that Made Me Shit My Pants." Martin Scorsese Can Blow Me! 10/01/06 By John Saleeby Just in time for "The Departed," the new acid logic takedown series continues with a look at the acclaimed gangster director. Slip Sliding Away 10/01/06 By Tom Waters Tom struggles with the onset of dementia as his mind dissolves into a series of tiny little islands. Dean Koontz Can Blow Me! 09/01/06 By Wil Forbis A new acid logic feature debuts with a takedown of the king of schlock fiction. Bizzaro Acrophobia 09/01/06 By Tom Waters 'How's the weather up there?' Tom stands up tall for the vertically augmented. The New York Dolls For Beginners!!! 07/01/06 By John Saleeby You think dig the Dolls? Saleeby breaks down the history of the world's prettiest all male rock group. My Computer Can Beat Up Your Computer 07/01/06 By Tom Waters Tom takes a look at the mysterious contraption that has spent the last twenty years plugging its way into the home of every American family. Romance Tales for Average Folks 06/01/06 Wil Forbis Why can't modern love be everything it's cracked up to be? Movies I Hate (that Everybody Else Loves) 06/01/06 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny digs into beloved classics like "2001," "Blade Runner," and "Thelma and Louise" and steels himself against the likely armed backlash. Unfriendly Skies 06/01/06 By Tom Waters Tom rates the modern airport experince and finds that it licks balls. Still More Unappreciated Babes 05/01/06 By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis Acid Logic peers into the windows of such love dolls as Christina Cox, Asia Argento and the Hotties of HotMail! Seven Sleep Disorders of Highly Effective People 05/01/06 By Tom Waters Why can't Tom catch some ZZZZ's? Is it the nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, sex or all of the above? The University Survival Guide 05/01/06 By Bob Cluely Bob passes on advice gleaned in the world of "higher" education. Apartment From Hell By Wil Forbis What's it like to share an apartment building with Charles Manson, "Hideously Burned Man," and a gigantic, armed and angry book lover? Butch and Twig By Tom Waters Tom ruminates on his aging parents and their wild and crazy ways. Conspiracy Theory: The World's Finest News Source By Johnny Apocalypse Bryan takes a look at everything from Roswell, New Mexico to the WTC towers. Replete with juicy links for your own research. The Saleeby Chronicles Continue By John Saleeby Saleeby takes a look at the delusional world or Lorne Micheals and the High Time's Channel's Original Motion Picture, "The McCartney Code." Straight or High Movie Reviews As told to Wil Forbis Some movies require a bong hit while others demand sober concentration. Our crack team takes a look at everything from Hostel to Brokeback Mountain. '70s DVD Revelry By John Saleeby Making up for lost opportunities, John reviews three films he never saw as a kid: The Hills Have Eyes, The Crazies and The Driller Killer. Shaft By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny takes a look at the first hero of blaxploitation and pronounces him ultra funky after all these years. Try Not To Think About Gun-Toting Elephants By Tom Waters After years spent floating in the liberal world of independent newspapers Tom releases his inner conservative. Dense Macabre By Tom Waters Tom compares the state of splatter films to video games and ruminates on the connection between comedy and horror. Of James and Bondage By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny contemplates the prospect of a blonde Bond and compares him to "Funny Bond" "Ass-Kicking Bond" and "Ugly Bond." Hollywood Notes: Interview with King Kong 12/01/05 By Wil Forbis The great ape stops by to spill the dish on working with Peter Jackson, his long friendship with Godzilla and his views on Iraq. Pot Roast for the Soul 12/01/05 By Tom Waters Whoda thunk it.... Tom Waters is cooking his own food!? And doing quite well at it from what I hear. Doctor Longhair's Reviews of Movies that Don't Exist 11/01/05 By Wil Forbis Itching to see the Kirsten Dunst porno or the latest from Bobo the Wonder Chimp? Doctor Longhair gives you the goods. I Don't Wanna Go On With �What Did You Want On That?' 11/01/05 By Tom Waters Tom lays down the rules of etiquette for the American drive through. Tattoos and Their Vicissitudes 11/01/05 By Robert Cluley Robert contemplates the big questions related to inkwork - where, what, and how much! I Bin Ein Blogger 10/01/05 By Robert Cluley Blogging has become the latest fad for self obsessed, socially underdeveloped egomaniacs. But is there a dark side? The Saleeby Chronicles 10/01/05 By John Saleeby Diane Lane, Cindy Sheehan and Bobby Brown all make a stopover in John Saleeby's questionable consciousness. They Don't Make Actors Like They Used To 09/01/05 By Johnny Apocalypse Johnny ruminates on Lee Marvin, Steve McQueen and the tough guys from a bygone era. Electric Tough Guy Land 09/01/05 By John Saleeby Ever wondered what would have happened had Jimi Hendrix made Elvis style adventure films? Sure you have. No... really... It'd be a hoot! Cool Hand Highway Superintendant 09/01/05 By Tom Waters Tom takes a cool and collected look at the challenges of driving in Buffalo, New York. On Being a Large, Land-Based Mammal 08/01/05 By Tom Waters Tom contemplates the eating habits that causes his belly to expand and collapse on schedule. London Calling, Says 'Hello' 08/01/05 By John Saleeby While the America media screams and snivels about the 7/7 subway bombings, the British just go about their business. Because they don't, you know, suck. If They Can't Take a Joke 08/01/05 By Tom Waters As Tom awaits the arrival of his latest book he pontificates on his previous publishing "successes." Doctor Who: The Old Versus the New 07/010/05 By Johnny Apocalypse Doctor Who has survived death, cancellation and 26 seasons on BBC. Johnny gives the Who legacy a once over. Speak Now Or When You Get Around To It 07/010/05 By Tom Waters For how long can Tom put off the impending doom - of marriage? Johnny Cash 06/010/05 By John Saleeby Stripping away the idol worship, Saleeby looks at the Cash legacy. Complete Text Of Laura Bush Speech At White House Correspondents' Dinner 06/010/05 By Max Burbank Searching for a complete transcript of Laura Bush's infamous dinner remarks? Max delivers the goods. Marvin Gaye’s Answer: Peak Oil 06/010/05 By Cody Wayne Cody examines the apocalyptic nature of our current reality. As a Writer 06/010/05 By Tom Waters Tom rails against big screen authors who write themselves into their work. Today's Top Stories, Ingested, Regurgitated And Reinterpretted 05/01/05 By Max Burbank Max Burbank returns to AL and promptly goes all Dada on our ass! The Great Email Scandal of 2032 05/01/05 By John Saleeby In the future, acid logic publisher Wil Forbis is poised to become President. Can John Saleeby head off this disaster? The Professor Visits the Red States 04/01/05 By John Saleeby What would cause a blueblood Cambridge Professor to travel to the heart of Red America? Only the Lord Byron of our age - Jeff Foxworthy! You Can't Put Your Arm Around a Memory 03/01/05 By John Saleeby Can the film feud between rockers Def Leppard and Metallica be healed by the Duff McKagen "Hug-o-Love"? Monkey See, Motley Crue 02/01/05 By John Saleeby As the Crue plan their reunion tour, Saleeby ruminates on swimming pools filled with vodka, 'punking' Vince Neil and the content of the Kurt and Courtney sex video. How To Be a Tough Guy 12/16/04 By John Saleeby Hey milquetoast! Listen up as John plunders Hollywood's greatest action films for tips on turning yourself into an ass-kicking mofo. More Unappreciated Babes 1216/04 By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby For too long entertainment amazons like Kiran Chetry and Megan Mullally have gone unloved and unnoticed. John Saleeby Predicts the Future... Again! 12/01/04 By John Saleeby Find out what's in store for eHarmony.com, the War of the Worlds remake and President Sean Hannity! George May be Prez' but Steven's the King 11/16/04 By John Saleeby For Christ's sake. The world's falling apart and Saleeby is sitting around reading Christine? A New Lease On Life 11/16/04 By Tom Waters Tom recalls his long history of troublesome automobiles, including the Buick that has been "rear ended more times than Nathan Lane." Things That Annoy Me: The Unreal World 11/16/04 By Seana Sperling Seana connects the dots between attack ads and reality shows. Don't Tell Us, We'll Tell You 11/01/04 By Wil Forbis Get the straight dope as television shows like "Hardballs" and "What's on Your Mind, America?" contemplate the war in Iraq, stem cells and the possibility of a Mary Cheny/Alexandra Kerry civil union. American Politics; The Beautiful Doom 11/01/04 By Sean C Tarry Canadians have given the world so much, including Rush, SCTV and Mike Meyers. Hear what AL's Canadian contributor has to say about Election 2004. The Devil Made Me Rent It 11/16/04 By John Saleeby John takes a look at 70's horror cinema mind-benders "Asylum of Satan" and "Satan's Children" and comes to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: Satanists and Homos. The Importance Of Being Neurotic 11/01/04 By Tom Waters In what may be the most frightening piece to be featured in this Halloween issue, Tom discusses his history of psychotherapy. Things That Annoy Me: The Ultimate Freak - Me 10/01/04 By Seana Sperling During an audition for a movie trivia game show Seana gets tongue tied faster than President Bush on debate night! Scheduling Conflict 10/01/04 By Tom Waters Tom bemoans the passage of time and the unavoidable decay it creates on the bonds of friendship. Does Raw Fish Make You Schizo? 09/16/04 By John Saleeby While reviewing the recent Japanese horror films "Battle Royale," "Suicide Club," and "Stacy" John falls in love with homicidal, suicidal, cannibalistic Asian schoolgirls. The Docker Bums 09/16/04 By Tom Waters Does pre-cubed cheese signal the end of the human race? Unappreciated Babes 09/01/04 By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis Everyone gives a shout out to Pam Anderson and Uma Thurman. Who's got some love for Holly Hunter and Cheri OTeri? We do! We do! Sportin' a Woody: British Comedy and the films of Allen Konigsberg 08/16/04 By Wil Forbis Were it not for the star power of Peter Sellers and David Niven there might not have been an "Annie Hall." TV vs. LSD 08/01/04 By Cody Wayne Cody contemplates the best recipe with which to fry your brain. Angry Blogger 07/16/04 By Jack McGeehin Who says personality can't find its way off the page? The Fatal Van Halen Joke 07/16/04 By John Saleeby Thrill to the adventures of young John Saleeby as he goes up against punk rock hipsters and folk rock poseurs! One More Today 07/16/04 By Sean C Tarry Sean plays the part of the peanut gallery to George Bush's orations on terrorism. March of The Diapered Soldiers 07/16/04 By Tom Waters Babies. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em. Wait, maybe you can? American Romance 2004 06/16/04 By John Saleeby John takes a look at the Romeo and Juliet of Abu Graib. Pushing 30 (Into Open Traffic) 06/16/04 By Tom Waters Tom may be mourning his lost youth but he's got nothing but kind words for the lost art of napping. Chuck Taylor All-Stars 06/01/04 By Sean C Tarry Sean protests the decline of the shoe that started a cultural revolution. Fat Men and Their Foreign Objects 06/01/04 By Tom Waters Tom looks at the rise of the homoerotic festival that is professional wrestling. All We Are Saying Is Give KISS a Chance! 05/16/04 By John Saleeby John gathers the young 'uns around to revel them with tales of the Viet Nam war, difficult math and the greatest rock band ever. Dave Barry Can Lick My Hairy Bean Bag 05/16/04 By Tom Waters Tom exposes the fool's trade of modern essay writing. Angel of Destruction, Vol. 1 05/01/04 By John Saleeby Saleeby heaps praise onto Uma Thurman, star of the Kill Bill films, while exposing Quentin Tarantino as a deviant foot fetishist. Beating the Shakes 05/01/04 By Tom Waters It started with just a few cups to keep his game up. But now Tom is a full-scale caffeine addict. Pet Peeves 04/16/04 By Tom Waters Tom bitches and moans about the people, places and products that bug the hell out him. Of course, how is that different from his other work? The Sex Pistols VS The Clash 04/01/04 By John Saleeby They were the definive punk bands from the class of '77. What happens when Saleeby puts them through their paces? Straight Eye For The Impatient Guy 04/01/04 By Tom Waters Yep, Tom's in a relationship and settling down now. Just in time to be driven insane by the experience of shopping with his significant other. Best Movie EVER? Forever And EVER!?! 04/01/04 By John Saleeby Hey, what do Norman Bates, vomiting screenwriters and a giant gorilla have to do with Orson Welle's "Citizen Kane"? Just a Four Letter Word 04/01/04 By David Chorlton Far from being a vulgar curse, David argues that the most prominent four lettered word is a catalyst for catharsis. Change the Channel 04/01/04 By Inherownwrite Inherownwrite wades into the culture war that has pitted the President of the United States against the King of all media. Sad, Strange and Stupid: A Look at Conservative Talk Radio 03/01/04 By John Saleeby What gets Saleeby more fired up than pinko commie rants? Rambling talk radio hosts like G. Gordon Liddy, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity! Odd Man Out 03/01/04 By Tom Waters Just in time for Valentines Day, Tom details the foibles of modern dating. Oh. Valentine's day was last month? No wonder nobody around here is getting any. Table, Booth or next to Newborn? 02/16/04 By Tom Waters With bad service, botulism and pinhead waiters, dining out has become a dicey proposition. Your Turn: Let's Hear it for THog-Zar! 02/16/04 By Zog Fug Introducing Your Turn, the acid logic column where loyal readers share their views on an infinite assortment of topics. The Prolonged Beautification of Joe 02/16/04 By Tom Waters Tom takes a second look at his older brother, a man now cluelessly mired in the morass of married life. Space Bugs, Fuzzy Babes and Growing Pains 01/16/04 By John Saleeby Saleeby harks back to the television of yesteryear when space creatures dined upon human arms and furry cat women lolled about, unabashed. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prozac 01/16/04 By Tom Waters Ahh, the holiday season. It's as much fun as a nuclear apocalypse! Be Kind, Don't Rewind 12/16/03 By Tom Waters Tom narrowly misses his ten year high school reunion, but can't escape the pontifications the event causes to reverberate through his head. Review of "Breakfast with Hunter" 12/01/03 By Seana Sperling Seana spot checks director Wayne Ewing's new documentary about the gonzo reprobate responsible for the classic drug odyssey, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." What is "Axel F"? 11/16/03 By Tom Waters Tom dissects the decade that gave birth to Madonna, Pac-Man, Mr. Mister and the Iran Contra scandal. Will a retro 80's movement cause the madness to return? Strangeness on a Train 11/16/03 By John Saleeby John's lucky to make it back alive from his recent vacation and spares no expense recounting his near death experience at the hands Dutch drug couriers. Featuring a soundtrack by Aerosmith. How Jack Black Restored My Faith in Rock and Roll 11/01/03 By Seana Sperling Seana gives a thumbs up for the new Richard Linklater film, The School of Rock. But she's still upset enough with the moviegoing experience to update her acclaimed Things That Annoy Me series. Flowers For Puck.......Love, Algernon 11/01/03 By Tom Waters By now we've all recognized that game reality TV shows are the final sign of the coming Apocalypse. Tom pontificates why "networks took a wrecking ball to the famed fourth wall" and offers up a few show ideas of his own. Cabin Fever and the Kentucky Fried Horror 10/31/03 By Wil Forbis With the release of "Cabin Fever," genre films may be returning to the heyday of hillbilly horror as epitomized by such classics as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Evil Dead." I Want Candy 10/31/03 By Sandra Kay Hey, October 31st isn't just about monsters and goblins. Sandra takes a look at the best part of Halloween. Vampires and the Victims Who Love Them 10/31/03 By Seana Sperling Screw "Blade" and "Underworld." Seana takes a look at "The Hunger," "The Addiction" and offbeat vampire films. John Saleeby Predicts the Future 10/01/03 By John Saleeby In these times of national uncertainty and global turmoil, we need a voice to come forth from the heavens and lay clear the path before us. John Saleeby is this voice. Get Ready for Some Football! Why Don't I Care? 10/01/03 By Jason Marsh Jason tries to get interested in his hometown team, the Giants. But his mind keeps wondering if "Arabian Idol" is on. Imperfect Strangers 09/16/03 By Tom Waters Tom returns to offer his thoughts on the most torrid of all youthful relationships: Roommates. What Does Winnie the Pooh have that I Don't? 09/16/03 By Adam Lewis Hey, how come chicks are all over a short, chubby, hairy bear named Pooh but don't have the time of day for short, chubby, hairy Adam Lewis? Ain't No Frenchmen Ever Called Me "Numb-Nuts" 09/01/03 By John Saleeby Two years after Arab Terrorists attacked the World Trade Center Americans are sitting around talking about how much they hate the French? Saleeby defends the cheese eating lowlifes. Freddy, Jason and Me 09/01/03 By Wil Forbis If you grew up in the eighties, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees were like a couple of big brothers, always kidding around and trying to remove your spleen with a machete. Will their new film let you visit your youth? Poor Dead Fucks 08/01/03 By Cody Wayne All Cody wants to do is sit back and have a beer. But he can't help but notice that soldiers dying in Iraq have suddenly become nameless. Not All Lovable Fat Funny Guys Die Young 07/16/03 By John Saleeby Good Lord, is John Saleeby actually becoming sensitive? Check out his tribute to rotund comedy legend Buddy Hackett and find out! Everybody Loves an Abortion 07/16/03 By Dan Seymour Dan makes the case that abortions may not be as fuzzy and cuddly as some people would have you believe. Movies that Made Me Shit My Pants 07/16/03 By the Acid Logic Mafia Our team of crack Acid Logic contributors talk about the movies that changed their lives for the wetter! Dumb and Dahmer (A Look at Serial Killer Cinema) 07/01/03 By John Saleeby John accuses the recently released "Dahmer" of being a politically correct art film, but has kinder words for "Bundy" and the movie biopic about the "Bruce Springsteen of serial killers," John Wayne Gacy. Apocalypse, 80's Style! 07/01/03 By Wil Forbis Back when the Ruskies had a thousand WMDs pointed right at us, Hollywood helped cool the fire by producing some of the greatest nuclear holocaust films of all time. The Denouncer 06/16/03 By Jade Hays After observing the slew of headlines proclaiming "Powell Denounces Iraq" or "Congressman Denounces Potato Chips" Jade realizes that the world needs someone denouncing full time! Hollywood 101 05/16/03 By Sandra Kay Can you tell the difference between a ball buster and a Gary Coleman? Let Hollywood insider Sandra Kay give you the lowdown on the Hollywood set. War Blues 05/01/03 By Sandra Kay Sandra reflects on the inconvenience of war and troubled times ahead. Are You Really an American?04/16/03 By Alex Kidd After ditching New York City for a small town in Canada, Alex realizes he can't escape the spectre of his nationality. Somebody Somewhere Thinks You're a Shit 04/01/03 By Peter Bennett After receiving a goopy piece of hate mail, Peter investigates the excrement of Australia's wildlife. His search leads him right into the paws of The True Blue Roo Poo Company! The Lost Music of Jason and the Scorchers 04/01/03 By Spoiks Spoiks returns to these pages to give a manic shout out to the kings of "Metalabilly." Pootie Troopers Strike Back 03/16/03 By John Saleeby In a last ditch effort before the Oscars, Saleeby tries to shine the limelight on three of his favorite recent comedies: "Super Troopers," "Pootie Tang," and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." The Domestication of Joe 03/16/03 By Tom Waters Tom's world goes to pieces when his big brother gets married. Beware the doilies! Sausages, Rubber Plants & the Big Bang 03/16/03 By Peter Bennett After researching the subject on the Internet, Peter discovers that the most commonly accepted explanation for the beginning of the universe is a "load of twaddle." A Case of the Bookworms 03/02/03 By Tom Waters Tom introduces the various breeds of tortured artist that can be found crawling through the literary underground. Let's Get Angry 02/16/03 By Cody Wayne In the third piece of our All-Politics issue, Cody questions why the military didn't stop the the 9/11 attacks, rebukes the US agenda and declares war... against war! Does Bush Need a Penis Enlargement? 02/16/03 By Sandra Kay Sandra challenges our world leaders to lay it all out on the slab. But Mandela's not invited (for obvious reasons.) Why Eucalyptus is to Budgerigars what Vegemite is to Australians 02/01/03 By Peter Bennett In an effort to thwart his children's intellectual superiority, Australian contributor Peter Bennett details the history of the budgie. How to be a Slob 01/16/03 By Tom Waters Are you confused about the slovenly arts? Here's your chance to learn from the best! Public Enemy #2 By Colin Hoad Say, if this war with Iraq doesn't work out, we've got a whole list of other nations that might be worth invading. Who wants a piece of Kazakhstan? Food Stamp Feuds 12/16/02 By Tom Waters Tom settles down in front of the idiot box to classify the recurring segments of the day time talk show. The Saturday Night Live Democrats 12/01/02 By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby As the Democrats flounder about for new leadership, we suggest they consider the cast members and characters of the show that has championed their cause for over 25 years. Vice President Peepers anyone? A.ctive M.orons 12/01/02 By Tom Waters Tom takes a bite out of the modern atrocity known as "morning people." Impending Doom 12/01/02 By Cody Wayne Don't be frightened! Cody's foreboding title heads what is actually an optimistic call to action. My String of Shitty Jobs 12/01/02 By Jesss Morel Jesss offers her contribution to the AL "Our Shitty Jobs" section with a look at her humble beginnings as a strawberry picker and her final arrival as a dot commie. Is this upward mobility? Our Shitty Jobs: Vegetables at the Funny Farm 11/01/02 By John Saleeby John provides a detailed account of his job wrestling crazed maniacs at the psyche ward. Now you know where you've seen him before. Greeting Card Quarterly 11/01/02 By Tom Waters Tom knows that the modern reader's attention span is getting shorter... but he won't let it happen without a fight! Adventures in Amsterdam 11/01/02 By Sandra Kay Sandra covers the essentials for anyone traveling to Amsterdam: sex museums and hash bars! John Saleeby - Shkitsophreniac!!! 10/01/02 By John Saleeby Okay, this time John's really lost his mind. No, seriously, it's finally happened. He's gone bonkers. I'm not kidding....Hey, are you even paying attention to me? War and Pizza 10/01/02 By Tom Waters When Tom isn't working hard as a highly paid acid logic writer, he stalks the streets, seeking out nubile young women... and giving them pizza!!! Die Laughing 10/01/02 By Zaak Fresh Zaak makes clear that comedy is serious business in his blow by blow account of the historic "Zaak Fresh Comedy Tour." Numb Nuts Nation 10/01/02 By John Saleeby In three comic dialogues, John takes on the NYFD, Bruce Springsteen and bellyaching country music singers. The Thomas Rules of Lounge Order, Part II 09/16/02 By Tom Waters Gentle reader, no longer will you be mocked and shunned by the female gender. Just heed Tom's addendum to his original Rules of Lounge Order and you'll have more birds on you than a case full of sesame seeds. Wake Up Call with a Snooze Alarm on it 09/01/02 By John Saleeby It's been almost a year since the WTC attacks and we still haven't caught Osama Bin Laden, airlports still aren't safe and Ann Coulter still hasn't done a Playboy spread. John lays out his call to action! Where No State Has Gone Before 09/01/02 By Cody Wayne Citizens of the rogue state of Nevada are making a play to legalize the herb. If they can only get rid of that meddling Federal Government. An American Jerk in Belgium 09/01/02 By Rob Reuter Two years ago Rob closed up shop on his comedy web zine, The American Jerk. Finally, he reveals the sordid series of events that lead to this heart wrenching decision. Unkle Sleezy's House of Evil 09/01/02 Hey kids - Get your serial killer murderabilia right here! Interpreting the Bible Part III 08/16/02 By Kurt Kitasaki Kurt lays out the third piece in his comical attempts to analyze the good book. He starts out with Samson smoking PCP and ends up with Satan playing baseball. STUPIDITY: ITS USES AND ABUSES 08/16/02 By Robert Levin "Stupidity is, after all, the best solution we've come up with to the mother of all problems itself, the problem of being mortal." A Preacher, A Rabbi, and a Minister Go Into a Bank At The Same Time...08/01/02 By Tom Waters Tom makes a point to not discriminate against religions. He hates them all! Graveyard Studios 08/01/02 By Kevin N. Whiting Kevin comes to terms with the living dead who threaten to surround him and, more frustratingly, deny him car insurance. Psaleeby's Psummer Psyche-Out 07/16/02 By John Saleeby The summer heat rolls in, temporarily driving Saleeby insane. Fortunately, that's how he does his best stuff. An American Asshole in Mexico: A Review of "Y Tu Mama Tambien" 07/16/02 By Cody Wayne Cody rates the new Mexican coming-of-age story. Hey, it's got a hot-looking older chick! All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in College 07/01/02 By Beth Anderson Beth argues that there is value in higher education. Anyone for a round of "Quarters?" Review - Star Wars, Episode II 06/01/02 By Anthony Passonno Anthony checks out the latest from LucasFilms and gives the final word on "the single greatest Star Wars moment ever!" Interpreting the Bible Part II 06/16/02 By Kurt Kitasaki Kurt's scholarly scribbles on the sacred scriptures have earned their sarcastic sequel! Icarus On The Mend 06/16/02 By Tom Waters In a tale of books, broads and booze, Tom recounts his first foray into the world of self publishing. Main Freeze: A Look at the World of Female Football 06/01/02 By Jay Kang Jay documents a day in the life of the National Women's Football league. A Quick Tour of the Museum of My Collections 06/01/02 By Max Burbank Mr. Burbank returns from his ye The Steering Wheel of Fortune 06/01/02 By Tom Waters When Tom's automotive luck runs out he faces dissappointed parents, a night in jail and worst of all: traffic school! Spider-Man Review 05/16/02 By Anthony Passonno Been holding off on seeing the new cinema blockbuster 'til you found out what your pals at Acid Logic thought? Your wait is over. A Supposedly Small Luxury That Doesn't Necessarily Make Me Gay 05/16/02 By Tom Waters Tom waxes philosophically on the merits of spritzes, mousses and Italian hairdressers. Profile: Consolidated 05/01/02 By J. Kim Portland music collective, Consolidated, bemoan the death of music for music's sake, and music activists who talk like Chomsky but sound like Hanson. More Forgotten Moments from the 1970's 04/16/02 By John Saleeby John continues his recollections of the decade everyone was too stoned to remember. High Tales 04/16/02 By Kevin N. Whiting English corespondent Whiting reveals the secret to making any vacation enjoyable - alcohol! (And lots of it.) The Less We Know The More We Care About It By David Chorlton David argues against the media's need to present every last tragedy in all its gory detail. The Thomas Rules of Lounge Order 03/16/02 By Tom Waters Tom lays out the ground rules for attracting the opposite sex, including such mind benders as "#2: Nothing Ever Happens On A Monday," "#5 Travel in Packs" and "#8 If You Don�t Have an Ugly Friend With You, Then You�re The Ugly Friend." Penthouse Letters Rejects 03/16/02 By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby Decent American teenagers learn everything they need to know about sex from Penthouse magazine's Forum - a letters column featuring sexual adventures submitted by the periodical's readership. Take a look at the submissions that don't make the grade. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LATELY, ANYWAY? 03/16/02 By Max Burbank Max finally answers the question we've been asking him all along. Senior Cut Day 03/16/02 By Cody Wayne Rosenberg "It dawned on me that I had created a sense of youthful insanity: FUCK IT. Things had gotten so quickly and completely out of hand that I found myself in a prolonged moment of Zen." A Few Good Scenes We'd Like to See 03/01/02 By John Saleeby When John imagines the trial of Aaron Sorkin, dinosaurs eat Johnnie Cochran and Ted Nugent reigns supreme. Aliens in the Holy Land 03/01/02 By Gary Sloan Our resident agent of Satan, Gary Sloan, defends the cause of atheism from the cloud of September 11. A Dying Breed 03/01/02 By Tom Waters It�s bad enough that smokers have to be chastised by holistic crusaders, but why should they have to pay for media campaigns aimed at mocking their folly. The Triple-Axle of Evil 03/01/02 By Jade Hays Jade lays out the surreal sexuality connecting the Winter Olympics, Terrorists and the Mormons. The Dark Side of Dave Thomas 02/16/02 By Jade Hays What? Another Dave Thomas article? Jade takes a humorous at how Dave Thomas' Wendy's commercials brought about the rise of the lowest common denominators. Interpreting the Bible 02/16/02 By Kurt Kitasaki Kurt sharpens his satirical tooth while helping to solve some of the great mysteries of the Bible. The Tube Sock Syndicate 02/16/02 By Tom Waters Here at Acid Logic, we've always been able to depend on the support of our elders. Tom's delightful attack on the aged and defenseless changes all that. A New York State of MInd 02/16/02 By Michael J Paluka For the overworked, paranoid nail-biters of the world, New York offers safe haven. Things That Annoy Me: Right To Work, Yeah, Right 02/01/02 By Seana Sperling Seana adds a new piece to her infamous "Things That Annoy Me" series and discusses the lack of worthwhile employment in Idaho state. Ultimate Spinach, man... yeah, Baby, yeah!!! 01/16/02 By Wil Forbis Was hippy rock group, Ultimate Spinach, the epoch of Psychedelia or the demon spawn of record industry sell outs? My Brush with Death and Cat Urine 01/16/02 By Seana Sperling Planning on moving yourself, all your worldly belongings and your hamster a distance of 800 miles? Seana shows you how NOT to do it. Making Space in Politics for Poetry 01/16/02 By David Chorlton Can George W. Bush and Robert Bly meet each other halfway? David tries to find out. A Viral Migration Of Unhealthy Fascination 01/01/02 By Max Burbank After a stressful year, Max's mind completely snaps causing him to spew forth the ultimate conspiracy theory... The Max Burbank Companion12/15/01 By Max Burbank Have you always enjoyed Max's work but been confounded by the various pop culture icons and Internet web sites he references? This handy guide will eliminate your confusion. My Attorney General Worships Satan 12/01/01 By Cody Wayne Cody Wayne lays out the case against devil worship in the White House, with a side trip though the roots of America's drug war. *THERE'S MORE IN THE FEATURE ARCHIVES!!!*	CHECK OUT THESE ADDITIONAL ACID LOGIC FEATURES CATEGORIES!


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