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- George May be Prez' but Steven's the King 11/16/04
By John Saleeby
For Christ's sake. The world's falling apart and Saleeby is sitting around reading Christine?
- A New Lease On Life 11/16/04
By Tom Waters
Tom recalls his long history of troublesome automobiles, including the Buick that has been "rear ended more times than Nathan Lane."
- Things That Annoy Me: The Unreal World 11/16/04
By Seana Sperling
Seana connects the dots between attack ads and reality shows.
- Don't Tell Us, We'll Tell You 11/01/04
By Wil Forbis
Get the straight dope as television shows like "Hardballs" and "What's on Your Mind, America?" contemplate the war in Iraq, stem cells and the possibility of a Mary Cheny/Alexandra Kerry civil union.
- American Politics; The Beautiful Doom 11/01/04
By Sean C Tarry
Canadians have given the world so much, including Rush, SCTV and Mike Meyers. Hear what AL's Canadian contributor has to say about Election 2004.
- The Devil Made Me Rent It 11/16/04
By John Saleeby
John takes a look at 70's horror cinema mind-benders "Asylum of Satan" and "Satan's Children" and comes to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: Satanists and Homos.
- The Importance Of Being Neurotic 11/01/04
By Tom Waters
In what may be the most frightening piece to be featured in this Halloween issue, Tom discusses his history of psychotherapy.
- Things That Annoy Me: The Ultimate Freak - Me 10/01/04
By Seana Sperling
During an audition for a movie trivia game show Seana gets tongue tied faster than President Bush on debate night!
- Scheduling Conflict 10/01/04
By Tom Waters
Tom bemoans the passage of time and the unavoidable decay it creates on the bonds of friendship.
- Does Raw Fish Make You Schizo? 09/16/04
By John Saleeby
While reviewing the recent Japanese horror films "Battle Royale," "Suicide Club," and "Stacy" John falls in love with homicidal, suicidal, cannibalistic Asian schoolgirls.
- The Docker Bums 09/16/04
By Tom Waters
Does pre-cubed cheese signal the end of the human race?
- Unappreciated Babes 09/01/04
By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis
Everyone gives a shout out to Pam Anderson and Uma Thurman. Who's got some love for Holly Hunter and Cheri OTeri? We do! We do!
- Sportin' a Woody: British Comedy and the films of Allen Konigsberg 08/16/04
By Wil Forbis
Were it not for the star power of Peter Sellers and David Niven there might not have been an "Annie Hall."
- TV vs. LSD 08/01/04
By Cody Wayne
Cody contemplates the best recipe with which to fry your brain.
- Angry Blogger 07/16/04
By Jack McGeehin
Who says personality can't find its way off the page?
- The Fatal Van Halen Joke 07/16/04
By John Saleeby
Thrill to the adventures of young John Saleeby as he goes up against punk rock hipsters and folk rock poseurs!
- One More Today 07/16/04
By Sean C Tarry
Sean plays the part of the peanut gallery to George Bush's orations on terrorism.
- March of The Diapered Soldiers 07/16/04
By Tom Waters
Babies. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em. Wait, maybe you can?
- American Romance 2004 06/16/04
By John Saleeby
John takes a look at the Romeo and Juliet of Abu Graib.
- Pushing 30 (Into Open Traffic) 06/16/04
By Tom Waters
Tom may be mourning his lost youth but he's got nothing but kind words for the lost art of napping.
- Chuck Taylor All-Stars 06/01/04
By Sean C Tarry
Sean protests the decline of the shoe that started a cultural revolution.
- Fat Men and Their Foreign Objects 06/01/04
By Tom Waters
Tom looks at the rise of the homoerotic festival that is professional wrestling.
- All We Are Saying Is Give KISS a Chance! 05/16/04
By John Saleeby
John gathers the young 'uns around to revel them with tales of the Viet Nam war, difficult math and the greatest rock band ever.
- Dave Barry Can Lick My Hairy Bean Bag 05/16/04
By Tom Waters
Tom exposes the fool's trade of modern essay writing.
- Angel of Destruction, Vol. 1 05/01/04
By John Saleeby
Saleeby heaps praise onto Uma Thurman, star of the Kill Bill films, while exposing Quentin Tarantino as a deviant foot fetishist.
- Beating the Shakes 05/01/04
By Tom Waters
It started with just a few cups to keep his game up. But now Tom is a full-scale caffeine addict.
- Pet
Peeves 04/16/04
By Tom Waters
Tom bitches and moans about the people, places and products
that bug the hell out him. Of course, how is that different from his
other work?
- The
Sex Pistols VS The Clash 04/01/04
By John Saleeby
They were the definive punk bands from the class of '77. What happens
when Saleeby puts them through their paces?
- Straight
Eye For The Impatient Guy 04/01/04
By Tom Waters
Yep, Tom's in a relationship and settling down now. Just in time to
be driven insane by the experience of shopping with his significant
other.
- Best Movie EVER? Forever
And EVER!?! 04/01/04
By John Saleeby
Hey, what do Norman Bates, vomiting screenwriters and a giant gorilla have to do with Orson Welle's "Citizen Kane"?
- Just
a Four Letter Word 04/01/04
By David Chorlton
Far
from being a vulgar curse, David argues that the most prominent four
lettered word is a catalyst for catharsis.
- Change the Channel 04/01/04
By Inherownwrite
Inherownwrite
wades into the culture war that has pitted the President of the United
States against the King of all media.
- Sad, Strange and Stupid:
A Look at Conservative Talk Radio 03/01/04
By John Saleeby
What gets Saleeby more fired up than pinko commie rants? Rambling
talk radio hosts like G. Gordon Liddy, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity!
- Odd
Man Out 03/01/04
By Tom Waters
Just
in time for Valentines Day, Tom details the foibles of modern dating.
Oh. Valentine's day was last month? No wonder nobody around here
is getting any.
- Table,
Booth or next to Newborn? 02/16/04
By Tom Waters
With
bad service, botulism and pinhead waiters, dining out has become a dicey
proposition.
- Your Turn:
Let's Hear it for THog-Zar! 02/16/04
By Zog Fug
Introducing Your Turn, the acid logic column where loyal
readers share their views on an infinite assortment of topics.
- The
Prolonged Beautification of Joe 02/16/04
By Tom Waters
Tom
takes a second look at his older brother, a man now cluelessly mired
in the morass of married life.
Space Bugs,
Fuzzy Babes and Growing Pains 01/16/04
By John Saleeby
Saleeby harks back to the television of yesteryear when space creatures
dined upon human arms and furry cat women lolled about, unabashed.
- On
Dasher, On Dancer, On Prozac 01/16/04
By Tom Waters
Ahh,
the holiday season. It's as much fun as a nuclear apocalypse!
- Be
Kind, Don't Rewind 12/16/03
By
Tom Waters
Tom
narrowly misses his ten year high school reunion, but can't escape the
pontifications the event causes to reverberate through his head.
- Review of
"Breakfast with Hunter" 12/01/03
By Seana Sperling
Seana spot checks director Wayne Ewing's new documentary about the
gonzo reprobate responsible for the classic drug odyssey, "Fear
and Loathing in Las Vegas."
- What is "Axel F"? 11/16/03
By Tom Waters
Tom
dissects the decade that gave birth to Madonna, Pac-Man, Mr. Mister
and the Iran Contra scandal. Will a retro 80's movement cause the madness
to return?
- Strangeness
on a Train 11/16/03
By John Saleeby
John's lucky to make it back alive from his recent vacation and
spares no expense recounting his near death experience at the hands
Dutch drug couriers. Featuring a soundtrack by Aerosmith.
- How Jack Black Restored
My Faith in Rock and Roll 11/01/03
By Seana Sperling
Seana
gives a thumbs up for the new Richard Linklater film, The School
of Rock. But she's still upset enough with the moviegoing experience
to update her acclaimed Things That Annoy Me series.
- Flowers
For Puck.......Love, Algernon 11/01/03
By Tom Waters
By now
we've all recognized that game reality TV shows are the final sign of
the coming Apocalypse. Tom pontificates why "networks took a wrecking
ball to the famed fourth wall" and offers up a few show ideas of
his own.
- Cabin
Fever and the Kentucky Fried Horror 10/31/03
By Wil Forbis
With the release
of "Cabin Fever," genre films may be returning to the heyday
of hillbilly horror as epitomized by such classics as "The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre" and "Evil Dead."
- I Want Candy 10/31/03
By Sandra Kay
Hey, October 31st
isn't just about monsters and goblins. Sandra takes a look at the best
part of Halloween.
- Vampires and the Victims
Who Love Them 10/31/03
By Seana Sperling
Screw "Blade"
and "Underworld." Seana takes a look at "The Hunger,"
"The Addiction" and offbeat vampire films.
- John Saleeby
Predicts the Future 10/01/03
By John Saleeby
In these times of national uncertainty and global turmoil, we need
a voice to come forth from the heavens and lay clear the path before
us. John Saleeby is this voice.
- Get Ready for Some Football!
Why Don't I Care? 10/01/03
By Jason Marsh
Jason tries to get interested in his hometown team, the Giants.
But his mind keeps wondering if "Arabian Idol" is on.
- Imperfect Strangers 09/16/03
By Tom Waters
Tom
returns to offer his thoughts on the most torrid of all youthful relationships:
Roommates.
- What Does Winnie the Pooh
have that I Don't? 09/16/03
By Adam Lewis
Hey, how come chicks are all over a short, chubby, hairy bear named
Pooh but don't have the time of day for short, chubby, hairy Adam Lewis?
- Ain't No Frenchmen
Ever Called Me "Numb-Nuts" 09/01/03
By John Saleeby
Two years after Arab Terrorists attacked the World Trade Center
Americans are sitting around talking about how much they hate the French?
Saleeby defends the cheese eating lowlifes.
- Freddy, Jason and
Me 09/01/03
By Wil Forbis
If you grew up in the eighties, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees
were like a couple of big brothers, always kidding around and trying
to remove your spleen with a machete. Will their new film let you visit
your youth?
- Poor
Dead Fucks 08/01/03
By Cody Wayne
All Cody wants to do is sit back and have a beer. But he can't help
but notice that soldiers dying in Iraq have suddenly become nameless.
- Not All Lovable
Fat Funny Guys Die Young 07/16/03
By John Saleeby
Good Lord, is John Saleeby actually becoming sensitive? Check
out his tribute to rotund comedy legend Buddy Hackett and find out!
- Everybody Loves an Abortion 07/16/03
By Dan Seymour
Dan makes the case that abortions may not be as fuzzy and cuddly
as some people would have you believe.
- Movies that
Made Me Shit My Pants 07/16/03
By the Acid Logic Mafia
Our
team of crack Acid Logic contributors talk about the movies that changed
their lives for the wetter!
- Dumb and Dahmer (A Look at Serial Killer Cinema) 07/01/03
By John Saleeby
John accuses the recently released "Dahmer" of being a
politically correct art film, but has kinder words for "Bundy"
and the movie biopic about the "Bruce Springsteen of serial killers,"
John Wayne Gacy.
- Apocalypse, 80's
Style! 07/01/03
By Wil Forbis
Back
when the Ruskies had a thousand WMDs pointed right at us, Hollywood
helped cool the fire by producing some of the greatest nuclear holocaust
films of all time.
- The Denouncer 06/16/03
By Jade Hays
After observing
the slew of headlines proclaiming "Powell Denounces Iraq" or "Congressman
Denounces Potato Chips" Jade realizes that the world needs someone denouncing
full time!
- Hollywood
101 05/16/03
By Sandra Kay
Can
you tell the difference between a ball buster and a Gary Coleman? Let
Hollywood insider Sandra Kay give you the lowdown on the Hollywood set.
- War Blues 05/01/03
By Sandra Kay
Sandra
reflects on the inconvenience of war and troubled times ahead.
- Are You Really
an American?04/16/03
By Alex Kidd
After
ditching New York City for a small town in Canada, Alex realizes he
can't escape the spectre of his nationality.
- Somebody Somewhere Thinks
You're a Shit 04/01/03
By Peter Bennett
After
receiving a goopy piece of hate mail, Peter investigates the excrement
of Australia's wildlife. His search leads him right into the paws of
The True Blue Roo Poo Company!
- The Lost
Music of Jason and the Scorchers 04/01/03
By Spoiks
Spoiks
returns to these pages to give a manic shout out to the kings of "Metalabilly."
- Pootie Troopers
Strike Back 03/16/03
By John Saleeby
In a last
ditch effort before the Oscars, Saleeby tries to shine the limelight
on three of his favorite recent comedies: "Super Troopers,"
"Pootie Tang," and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back."
- The Domestication
of Joe 03/16/03
By Tom Waters
Tom's world goes to pieces when his big brother gets married. Beware
the doilies!
- Sausages, Rubber Plants
& the Big Bang 03/16/03
By Peter Bennett
After
researching the subject on the Internet, Peter discovers that the most
commonly accepted explanation for the beginning of the universe is a
"load of twaddle."
- A Case of the Bookworms 03/02/03
By Tom Waters
Tom introduces the various breeds of tortured artist that can be
found crawling through the literary underground.
- Let's Get Angry 02/16/03
By Cody Wayne
In the
third piece of our All-Politics issue, Cody questions why the military
didn't stop the the 9/11 attacks, rebukes the US agenda and declares
war... against war!
- Does Bush Need
a Penis Enlargement? 02/16/03
By Sandra Kay
Sandra
challenges our world leaders to lay it all out on the slab. But Mandela's
not invited (for obvious reasons.)
- Why
Eucalyptus is to Budgerigars what Vegemite is to Australians 02/01/03
By Peter Bennett
In an effort to thwart his children's intellectual superiority, Australian
contributor Peter Bennett details the history of the budgie.
- How
to be a Slob 01/16/03
By Tom Waters
Are you confused about the slovenly arts? Here's your
chance to learn from the best!
- Public
Enemy #2
By Colin Hoad
Say, if this war with Iraq doesn't work out, we've got
a whole list of other nations that might be worth invading. Who wants
a piece of Kazakhstan?
- Food Stamp Feuds 12/16/02
By Tom Waters
Tom
settles down in front of the idiot box to classify the recurring segments
of the day time talk show.
- The
Saturday Night Live Democrats 12/01/02
By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
As the Democrats flounder about for new leadership, we suggest they
consider the cast members and characters of the show that has championed
their cause for over 25 years. Vice President Peepers anyone?
- A.ctive M.orons 12/01/02
By Tom Waters
Tom takes a bite out of the modern atrocity known as "morning
people."
- Impending Doom 12/01/02
By Cody Wayne
Don't
be frightened! Cody's foreboding title heads what is actually an optimistic
call to action.
- My String of
Shitty Jobs 12/01/02
By Jesss Morel
Jesss
offers her contribution to the AL "Our Shitty Jobs" section
with a look at her humble beginnings as a
strawberry picker and her final arrival as a dot commie. Is this upward
mobility?
- Our Shitty Jobs: Vegetables
at the Funny Farm 11/01/02
By John Saleeby
John
provides a detailed account of his job wrestling crazed maniacs at the
psyche ward. Now you know where you've seen him before.
- Greeting
Card Quarterly 11/01/02
By Tom Waters
Tom
knows that the modern reader's attention span is getting shorter...
but he won't let it happen without a fight!
- Adventures
in Amsterdam 11/01/02
By Sandra Kay
Sandra
covers the essentials for anyone traveling to Amsterdam: sex museums
and hash bars!
- John Saleeby - Shkitsophreniac!!! 10/01/02
By John Saleeby
Okay,
this time John's really lost his mind. No, seriously, it's finally happened.
He's gone bonkers. I'm not kidding....Hey, are you even paying attention
to me?
- War and Pizza 10/01/02
By Tom Waters
When
Tom isn't working hard as a highly paid acid logic writer, he stalks
the streets, seeking out nubile young women... and giving them pizza!!!
- Die Laughing 10/01/02
By Zaak Fresh
Zaak
makes clear that comedy is serious business in his blow by blow account
of the historic "Zaak Fresh Comedy Tour."
- Numb Nuts Nation 10/01/02
By John Saleeby
In
three comic dialogues, John takes on the NYFD, Bruce Springsteen and
bellyaching country music singers.
- The Thomas
Rules of Lounge Order, Part II 09/16/02
By Tom Waters
Gentle
reader, no longer will you be mocked and shunned by the female gender.
Just heed Tom's addendum to his original Rules of Lounge Order and you'll have more birds on you than a case
full of sesame seeds.
- Wake Up Call with a Snooze
Alarm on it 09/01/02
By John Saleeby
It's
been almost a year since the WTC attacks and we still haven't caught
Osama Bin Laden, airlports still aren't safe and Ann Coulter still hasn't
done a Playboy spread. John lays out his call to action!
- Where No State Has
Gone Before 09/01/02
By Cody Wayne
Citizens
of the rogue state of Nevada are making a play to legalize the herb.
If they can only get rid of that meddling Federal Government.
- An American Jerk
in Belgium 09/01/02
By Rob Reuter
Two
years ago Rob closed up shop on his comedy web zine, The American Jerk.
Finally, he reveals the sordid series of events that lead to this heart
wrenching decision.
- Unkle Sleezy's House
of Evil 09/01/02
Hey
kids - Get your serial killer murderabilia right here!
- Interpreting the Bible
Part III 08/16/02
By Kurt Kitasaki
Kurt
lays out the third piece in his comical attempts to analyze the good
book. He starts out with Samson smoking PCP and ends up with Satan playing
baseball.
- STUPIDITY: ITS USES
AND ABUSES 08/16/02
By Robert Levin
"Stupidity
is, after all, the best solution we've come up with to the mother of
all problems itself, the problem of being mortal."
- A Preacher, A Rabbi,
and a Minister Go Into a Bank At The Same Time...08/01/02
By Tom Waters
Tom
makes a point to not discriminate against religions. He hates them all!
- Graveyard Studios 08/01/02
By Kevin N. Whiting
Kevin
comes to terms with the living dead who threaten to surround him and,
more frustratingly, deny him car insurance.
- Psaleeby's
Psummer Psyche-Out 07/16/02
By John Saleeby
The summer
heat rolls in, temporarily driving Saleeby insane. Fortunately, that's
how he does his best stuff.
- An American Asshole
in Mexico: A Review of "Y Tu Mama Tambien" 07/16/02
By Cody Wayne
Cody
rates the new Mexican coming-of-age story. Hey, it's got a hot-looking
older chick!
- All I Really Needed to
Know I Learned in College 07/01/02
By Beth Anderson
Beth
argues that there is value in higher education. Anyone for a round of
"Quarters?"
- Review - Star
Wars, Episode II 06/01/02
By Anthony Passonno
Anthony
checks out the latest from LucasFilms and gives the final word on "the
single greatest Star Wars moment ever!"
- Interpreting the Bible
Part II 06/16/02
By Kurt Kitasaki
Kurt's
scholarly scribbles on the sacred scriptures have earned their sarcastic
sequel!
- Icarus On The Mend 06/16/02
By Tom Waters
In a
tale of books, broads and booze, Tom recounts his first foray into the
world of self publishing.
- Main Freeze: A Look
at the World of Female Football 06/01/02
By Jay Kang
Jay
documents a day in the life of the National Women's Football league.
- A Quick Tour of the Museum
of My Collections 06/01/02
By Max Burbank
Mr.
Burbank returns from his ye
- The Steering Wheel
of Fortune 06/01/02
By Tom Waters
When
Tom's automotive luck runs out he faces dissappointed parents, a night
in jail and worst of all: traffic school!
- Spider-Man Review 05/16/02
By Anthony Passonno
Been
holding off on seeing the new cinema blockbuster 'til you found out
what your pals at Acid Logic thought? Your wait is over.
- A Supposedly Small
Luxury That Doesn't Necessarily Make Me Gay 05/16/02
By Tom Waters
Tom waxes
philosophically on the merits of spritzes, mousses and Italian hairdressers.
- Profile: Consolidated 05/01/02
By J. Kim
Portland
music collective, Consolidated, bemoan the death of music for music's
sake, and music activists who talk like Chomsky but sound like Hanson.
- More Forgotten
Moments from the 1970's 04/16/02
By John Saleeby
John
continues his recollections of the decade everyone was too stoned to
remember.
- High Tales 04/16/02
By Kevin N. Whiting
English
corespondent Whiting reveals the secret to making any vacation enjoyable
- alcohol! (And lots of it.)
- The Less We Know
The More We Care About It
By David Chorlton
David argues against the media's need to present every last tragedy
in all its gory detail.
- The Thomas
Rules of Lounge Order 03/16/02
By Tom Waters
Tom lays out the
ground rules for attracting the opposite sex, including such mind benders
as "#2: Nothing Ever Happens On A Monday," "#5 Travel
in Packs" and "#8 If You Don’t Have an Ugly Friend With You,
Then You’re The Ugly Friend."
- Penthouse Letters
Rejects 03/16/02
By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
Decent
American teenagers learn everything they need to know about sex from
Penthouse magazine's Forum - a letters column featuring sexual adventures
submitted by the periodical's readership. Take a look at the submissions
that don't make the grade.
- WHAT
THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LATELY, ANYWAY? 03/16/02
By Max Burbank
Max
finally answers the question we've been asking him all along.
- Senior Cut Day 03/16/02
By Cody Wayne
"It dawned on me that I had created a sense of youthful insanity:
FUCK IT. Things had gotten so quickly and completely out of hand that
I found myself in a prolonged moment of Zen."
- A Few Good Scenes We'd
Like to See 03/01/02
By John Saleeby
When
John imagines the trial of Aaron Sorkin, dinosaurs eat Johnnie Cochran
and Ted Nugent reigns supreme.
- Aliens in
the Holy Land 03/01/02
By Gary Sloan
Our
resident agent of Satan, Gary Sloan, defends the cause of atheism from
the cloud of September 11.
- A Dying Breed 03/01/02
By Tom Waters
It’s bad enough that smokers have to be chastised by holistic crusaders,
but why should they have to pay for media campaigns aimed at mocking
their folly.
- The Triple-Axle
of Evil 03/01/02
By Jade Hays
Jade lays
out the surreal sexuality connecting the Winter Olympics, Terrorists
and the Mormons.
- The Dark Side of Dave
Thomas 02/16/02
By Jade Hays
What?
Another Dave Thomas article? Jade takes a humorous at how Dave Thomas'
Wendy's commercials brought about the rise of the lowest common denominators.
- Interpreting the Bible 02/16/02
By Kurt Kitasaki
Kurt
sharpens his satirical tooth while helping to solve some of the great
mysteries of the Bible.
- The
Tube Sock Syndicate 02/16/02
By Tom Waters
Here at Acid Logic, we've always been able to depend on the support
of our elders. Tom's delightful attack on the aged and defenseless changes
all that.
- A New York State
of MInd 02/16/02
By Michael J Paluka
For the
overworked, paranoid nail-biters of the world, New York offers safe
haven.
- Things That Annoy
Me: Right To Work, Yeah, Right 02/01/02
By Seana Sperling
Seana
adds a new piece to her infamous "Things That Annoy Me" series
and discusses the lack of worthwhile employment in Idaho state.
- Ultimate
Spinach, man... yeah, Baby, yeah!!! 01/16/02
By
Wil Forbis
Was
hippy rock group, Ultimate Spinach, the epoch of Psychedelia or the
demon spawn of record industry sell outs?
- My
Brush with Death and Cat Urine 01/16/02
By Seana Sperling
Planning
on moving yourself, all your worldly belongings and your hamster a distance
of 800 miles? Seana shows you how NOT to do it.
- Making Space
in Politics for Poetry 01/16/02
By David Chorlton
Can George
W. Bush and Robert Bly meet each other halfway? David tries to find
out.
- A Viral Migration Of Unhealthy
Fascination 01/01/02
By Max Burbank
After
a stressful year, Max's mind completely snaps causing him to spew forth
the ultimate conspiracy theory...
- The Max
Burbank Companion12/15/01
By Max Burbank
Have you always
enjoyed Max's work but been confounded by the various pop culture icons
and Internet web sites he references? This handy guide will eliminate
your confusion.
- My Attorney General
Worships Satan 12/01/01
By Cody Wayne
Cody Wayne lays out
the case against devil worship in the White House, with a side trip
though the roots of America's drug war.
- Meat Stink 12/01/01
By Aaron Voorhies Jentzen
In this piece, Aaron
discusses the permeating smell of rancid meat as relevant to the age
distinction that divide men into classes of... ah, hell, who really
knows what this is about. Just read it!
- My Screening of "Waking
Life" 11/16/01
By Cody Wayne
Cody reviews the new Richard Linklater film, theater popcorn and the
"infinity of now."
- A Few of Our Favorite
Things 11/16/01
By David Chorlton
Mr.
Chorlton tries to find the perfect song for the war with Afghanistan.
- Six Visits From Uncle
Dave
By
Max Burbank
Max
fondly recalls the eratic, often troublesome behavior of his family's
black sheep.
- Grate
Mynds Thinkk Alike! 11/01/01
By
Max Burbank and John Saleeby
The
battle you never thought you'd see. AL contributors Burbank and Saleeby
interrogate each other and take cheap pot shots at their hardworking
publisher.
- All God's Chillun
Have Guns10/16/01
By John Saleeby
You all
know you shouldn't make fun of the WTC tragedy, right? Well, somebody
tell Saleeby 'cuz his new piece has enough gags to make you wish every
day was a terrorist attack!
- The Death of the American
Wise Ass10/01/01
By John Saleeby
Saleeby lays forth
his argument that the late night talk show circuit needs to acknowledge
that the landscape of American comedy has forever been changed by the
events of September 11th. Or else they risk becoming... Vaughn Meader?
- No Working Title 10/01/01
By Max Burbank
Max pauses to take
take stock in life before preparing to return to the comedy trenches.
- A Report From Ground
Zero 10/01/01
By Steve Forbis
Steve Forbis offers
a first hand account of his visit to ground zero two days after the
World Trade Center towers fell.
- Book Briefs 9/16/01
By Max Burbank
Burbank analyzes
a series of puckish, possibly fictional titles, including "My Wife
is Not a Yeti" and "Jurassic Park III."
- Why Kill When You Can
Dance! Dance! Dance!?9/16/01
By John Saleeby
As mass murderers
assail the West Coast and terrorists attack the east, Saleeby struggles
to make sense of it all.
- The Artist Formally Known as Prinze 9/01/01
By John Saleeby
Freddie Prinze Senior = groundbreaking comedic
genius. Freddie Prinze Junior = talentless imbecile. Got it? Good!
- The Grass is Always
Greener... 9/01/01
By Pete Moss
Pete Moss provides
an introduction to the world of the transgendered. That's right - Pete Moss! The transgendered! It's just as crazy as it sounds.
- A Brief History of "Shut Up, Little
Man" 8/16/01
By Wil Forbis
A history of the infamous audio recording that caused a generation
to begin taping their screaming, alcoholic neighbors.
Includes bonus interview with Eddie Lee Sausage providing an update
on the "Shut Up, Little Man" film project!!!
- Ten Things You Should Know About Jerry
Lewis 8/16/01
By John Saleeby
The French may be smelly, rude and obnoxious, but they're right
about one thing:Jerry Lewis kicks ass! Saleeby explains why.
- Wanted Immediately:
Revisionist History Shelter 8/01/01
By Max Burbank
As Ronald Reagan teeters on his deathbed, the media conspire to
rewrite the past. Not if Max Burbank can help it!
(Which he probably can't.)
- Almost Funny 7/16/01
By John Saleeby
John recalls his teenage career as a writer for National Lampoon.
Hey, how come he never got a break
like that Cameron Crowe guy?
- How To Watch Fireworks 7/16/01
By Max Burbank
Max learned a thing
or two this past Fourth of July. And he's more than willing to share.
- The Ice Cube Guide to Network Protocol Engineering 7/16/01
Special Advertisement:
Be the first on your block to read the famed rapper's foray into the
world of technology instruction!
- Goofy at the Gates of Hell 7/01/01
By John Saleeby
John's already delusional mind gets a boost from the Southern heat
wave and lack of air conditioning.
- Just Because I'm Paranoid 7/01/01
By Seana Sperling
They are out
to get you, and Seana's not going to let you forget it.
- The Hanging-Cross Diet 7/01/01
By Tarryn Stewart
As a religious document,
the Bible has more than held its own. British correspondent, Tarryn
Stewart, analyzes its worth as a diet manual.
- Laughter or Blood 6/15/01
By John Saleeby
John gets his pound of flesh from the creators of the many "fake
news" web sites on the web.
- Hell
On 900 MG A Day 6/01/01
By John Saleeby
John's really
lost it on this one, folks. Pray for him. Pray for his soul.
- The
Unbearable Lightness Of The Executioner 6/01/01
By David
Chorlton
David looks
into his past for answers about the death penalty.
- Six
Dreams of the Antiques Roadshow 5/15/01
By Max Burbank
Max recalls
his very disturbing (and very Jewish) dreams about bartering and auctioneering.
- Thirty Seconds over Tupelo 5/15/01
By John Saleeby
Saleeby visits
the birthplace of the king and finds nary an "Elvis Pizzeria"
in sight.
- Harry
Potter and the Magic Welfare Check 5/01/01
By Pete Moss
The success
of Harry Potter author, JK Rowling , is weighed against the Libertarian
philosophy of eliminating government subsidies.
- What's Up With Bio Tech?
5/01/01
By Max Burbank
Max asks a sensible
question while pontificating moth poop and mice with human ears.
- Last New England
Yard Ape Dies in Captivity 4/15/01
By
Max Burbank
Max pontificates
on the work of sculptor Claes Oldenburg while dreaming of giant typewriter
erasers.
- Eye of the Tiger
4/01/01
By
Rich Evans
When confronted
with an e-mail requesting opinions on the Survivor television show,
Mr. Evans responds with the appropriate rant...
- Brian Had Fun, Fun,
Fun Til The Critics Took His T Bird Away
3/15/01
By
John Saleeby
Saleeby bemoans
the Beach Boys treatment at the hands of rock critics who ignore their
greatest work. Pet Sounds? Schmet Sounds!
- Some
Ways We Could Offend The Japanese Even More Than We Already Have
3/1/01
By Max Burbank
Max looks for new ways the United States can embarrass itself after
sinking the Japanese fishing boat, Ehime Maru.
- Seattle
EarthQuake!!! 3/1/01
By Anthony Passanno
Holy Satan! Read
this report of the Seattle Earthquake from Acid Logic's Seattle Bureau
Chief, Anthony Passonno.
He spares no effort describing the violent, gorey carnage!
- Teller And Me
2/15/01
By
Pete Moss
Pete reminisces on
his former Latin teacher and popular magician Teller in a fascinating
biographical essay.
- End
Times Update 2/1/01
By Max Burbank
Max ponders the dance moves of President Bush, Ricky Martin's hips,
and the eventual results of America's love affair with ever more youthful
pop groups: singing fetuses!
- Someone
Made a Movie Just For ME! 1/15/01
By
John Saleeby
John chimes in on
the Charlie's Angels movie and offers readers the Saleeby formula for
successful film making: Cute Girls, Funny Guys.
- Post
Election Angst 1/15/001
By Dan Seymour
New contributor Dan Seymour applies pressure to the funnybone to
uncover the other fraud of the 2000 election: the conspiracy
against college voters.
- Red Nostalgia
12/31/00
By
David Chorlton
Mr. Chorlton wistfully
looks back on the experience of visiting the Russia of yesteryear.
- Bible
Belt Beelzebub 12/16/00
By Gary Sloan
One man's war against the Bible Belt, set in the battlefield of
the op-ed page, is recalled in this delightful piece by Satan, er, Hitler,
er, Gary Sloan.
- Being,
Emptiness and Spandex Tights with the Underwear on the Outside
12/1/00
By
Max Burbank
The show continues
as Burbank wonders why his brain is filled with so much pointless comic
book trivia.
- Too
Much Monkey Business
12/1/00
By John Saleeby
Saleeby
ruminates on his years spent performing as a stand up comic and butting
heads with the likes of Colin Quinn.
- Don't
Want Him Around Anyhow
11/15/00
By John Saleeby
Saleeby points the finger squarely at alternative music and ruminates
on Isaac Haye's role on South Park.
Not for the faint of heart.
- Cute
Girls Who Died
11/1/00
By John Saleeby
Saleeby pops off another one-two punch by rewriting the music of
Jim Caroll and offering up an interview with Steve Martin.
- A
Girlfriend's Guide to Online Pornography
11/1/00
By Robin Devero
Let Ms. Devero explain the strange nomenclature inherit in your
boyfriend's web smut addiction.
- Our
Universal Dreams
10/15/00
By Max Burbank
Continuing the dream theme, Burbank explores the meaning of the
"I have to take this test naked" dream, and other nightime
adventures common to all mankind.
- Children
of Kahoutek
9/30/00
By Max Burbank
Few things are more deserving of the term "acid logic"
than Max Burbank's fevered analysis of comets and comic books.
- Gore
Daughter - Comic Genius!
9/30/00
By John Saleeby
The comic talents of Kristin Gore are disected, as well as Saleeby's
headbangin' past.
- Smell
My Finger
9/18/00
By John Saleeby
Saleeby reminisces on his coital career involving Aerosmith and
Abominabal Snowman.
- Three Kings 9/1/00
By Pete Moss
Hollywood insider, Pete Moss, examines the work of Steven King, Barbara Kingsolver and Kingsley Amis.
- The Rise and Fall of Jason Becker (and Rise Again) 9/1/00
By Wil Forbis
As the guitarist for the David Lee Roth band, 20 year old Jason Becker was on top of the world. Then tragedy struck, and his life went in a strange new direction.
- Cheny of Fools/Blacklisting Richard Lewis 8/17/00
By John Saleeby
Get set for a double shot of Saleeby as he points the pen at Mary Cheny and Richard Lewis.
- Fashion Tips for Mutant Superheros 8/17/00
By Spar Sperling
As the siege of X-Men mania descends upon us, peruse this synopsis of superhero style.
- Art Talk With The Ramones 7/30/00
By John Saleeby
Saleeby delivers another comedic double whammy while discussing the art world and post punk careers of the Ramones.
- Death To All Taggers 7/30/00
By Anthony Passonno
"...a modern day, hipster Zarathustra, waiting and watching, then crossing the abyss in a frenzied state of berserker rage and Wagnerian bravado, until I see IT!!! SOMEONE TAGGED MY FUCKING BUILDING!!!"
- Chicken Soup For The Serial Killer's Soul 7/13/00
By Patrick Raftery
We could all stand to learn something from the soul enriching experience of a serial killer.
- Learning From Your Shame 6/28/00
By Rev John D. Finkletter
One of the best ways to grow as a person is to learn from the sordid moments in your past. And the Rev's got plenty of them.
- Great Forgotten Moments of the 1970's 6/15/00
By John Saleeby
Hold onto your pants for two articles in one, as Saleeby gives the straight dope on the decade of sin and the disdain of Kathy Lee Gifford.
- Are You a Scumbag? 5/25/00
By John Saleeby
Take the quiz to find out if you're either an average guy, a serial killer, or a bitter stand up comedian. (Which of the three options is not a scumbag is left to the reader's discretion.)
- My Prison Diaries 5/10/00
By John Saleeby
Ex-stand up comedian, Saleeby, summarizes his years in the big house... a place where defending the good name of Charlie Chaplin becomes a point of honor.
- Things That Annoy Me 4/30/00
By Seana Sperling
- #2 The Noise Patrol: Seana continues venting, aiming her rage at car alarms, construction workers and other ill gotten noisemakers.
- #1 Hair = IQ: Seana Sperling starts off her long awaited "Things That Annoy Me" series by taking a jab at the lowest order of witticism: The Blonde Joke.
- Kurt Cobain 4/13/00
By Devora
Devora lays down the final word on the Gen X icon.
- Let's Hear it For Anti-Depressants! 4/13/00
By Mad Brunette
Goddamit, drugs aren't problem... They're the solution!
- Cubical Spawn 3/30/00
By Tom Skuja
The truth is, you can never say enough about how unattractive babies are.
- The Columbine Massacre For Total Idiots 2/11/00
By Devora
Amidst the hype of all these school shootings it may be hard to find the truth. Devora lays it out for the cerebrally impaired.
- James Brolin Gets A Role 2/11/00
By Ian Wolfe
After years of struggle James Brolin has been offered the role of a lifetime... and Ms. Streisand won't take "no" for an answer.
- Assisting the Disabled 1/20/00
By Seana Sperling
In true Acid Logic fashion, Seana Sperling details the many ways we can help the disabled in our society. And how many people already are!
- BucketHead... Groove On 12/9/99
By Spoiks
BucketHead, a masked, chicken lovin' demon has been mixing guitar solos and Giant Lizards for years now. Isn't it time he got his due?
- Michael Schenker is God 10/11/99
By Spoiks
In America, circa 1987, metal ruled the land (to paraphrase Judas Priest.) And perhaps its most fiercesome practitioner was Michael Schenker, a long-maned, rail thin agent of darkness.
- Billy Preston is the Funkiest, Grooviest, Motherfucker on the Planet 10/2/99
By Spoiks
"Outta-space," one of the funkiest songs of all time, has fallen between the cracks of American music. Yet Billy Preston has more groove in his little finger than the Chili Peppers and their concubines combined.
- Conrad's Night in the Big House
By Conrad Keely
Conrad Keely sent me this article about his first night in jail. Is it a desperate cry for help... or something much, much more?
- A Dignified Analysis of Devo's Freedom of Choice
By Wil Forbis
An insightful and intriguing look at this underated band. You will find your life changed or your money back.
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