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You rolled snake eyes, baby. Still more of two Saleeby articles in one!!!
CHENEY OF FOOLS |
By John Saleeby
BLACKLISTING RICHARD LEWIS|
By John Saleeby
While everybody else was watching the Republican convention to listen to George W Bush and Dick Cheney's acceptance speeches, millions of gays and lesbians all over America were solely concerned with whether or not Cheney's lesbian daughter Mary was accompanied in the VIP section with her . . . uh . . . What are they calling them now? Oh! Her "life partner".
Yeah, Dick's daughter Mary is a lesbian. She works for Coors Beer, traveling around the country persuading gay bars to forget Coors' wicked right wing past and serve the watery brew to their techno boppin' patrons. As a matter of fact, Mary spent many months studying the most intimate customs and traditions of the gay male leather scene so she effectively peddle Coors to leather S and M bars from sea to shining sea. And now, of course, she will spend the next couple of months persuading gay voters to forget her dad's wicked right wing past and vote for the Bush - Cheney ticket in November. Look forward to a video of George and Dick leathered up from head to toe astride a couple of bad ass Harleys barrelling down Route 66 as Judas Priest roars on the soundtrack. Maybe George'll grow a mustache!
America's gay community were so totally focused on waiting for occasional shots of the Cheney family so they could feverishly search the screen in search of Mary's life partner (If straight women start pushing their boyfriends to call them that, we'll turn queer) that they were completely oblivious to the obscene joke Cheney told about a rabbi with a wooden leg who walks into a gay bar and Bush's promise that "When you make me President we're gonna send all the homos back to France where they came from!" The Democrats plan to deploy this clever diversionary tactic for their own convention by trickin NRA members into studying the VIP section to see if Tipper Gore is wielding a double barrelled shotgun or not while her husband tells the crowd "They wanna talk about their cold dead hands, we'll give those dumb ass rednecks cold dead hands and shove their goddam guns up their their cold dead butts!!"
On a final note: Joe Leiberman has an adult daughter and if she isn't practicing homosexuality with young women I'm sure she is causing it in young men.
Hey, all this election stuff done got me thinkin' what it woulda been like if I had gone into politics instead of heavyweight boxing. Yeah . . . I can see it now . . .
BLACKLIST PANIC RETURNS TO HOLLYWOOD!!!
Just as Tail Gunner Joe McCarthy terrorized Hollywood in the
when his House UnAmerican Activities Committee threatened to
members of the entertainment community suspected to be
Tail Gummer John SALEEBY has all of Show Biz in fear with
Unamusing Activities Committee threatening to throw
comedians who are
not really funny into unemployment forever.
Having rocked the nation with his yet to be proven
allegation that the
late night programming department of a major television
network has been
infiltrated by fifty seven members of the Harvard Lampoon,
millions of Americans transfixed when suspected unfunny
were subpeonaed for testimony in HUAC hearings on live
John Saleeby wrote
for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic
in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines Schmuck.com,
Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication
now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier.
Check Out John Saleeby's crazy new Acid Logic Blog!