By Cody Wayne
March 16, 2002
I remember when I was 17
and threw my first filthy reckless adulterated party.† We were young
and gave a fuck about nothing.† Jesus, I filmed a huge chunk of a physics
project that day.† I figured, "Hey, Iíve got all these people here
in one spot, theyíve got beer soaking their brains, I bet they wouldnít
mind taking some time out for a little filmage."† I did a little
remake of Mr. Pinkís escape from "Reservoir Dogs" but I used
a football instead of a briefcase.† Me and a friend were doing a project
on the physics of kicking a football and I figured, "Thatís a good
There was a moment when I
realized that Iíd brought together a yard full of evil-doers who had
nothing but bad intentions for the day.† It was scary to be amongst
them, but alas, Iíd convinced these savages throughout my junior and
senior year that I was one of them.† People really were everywhere.†
This was Pennsylvania.† My yard was large.† I lived a half-mile away
from school.† This made it convenient for reckless juniors and sophomores
to mosey on over for a brew or six during lunch.† The† result was a
mysterious influx of intoxicated underclassmen on school property.†
Not good.† Not good at all.
It was Senior Cut Day.† Every
year, a shitload of seniors wouldnít show up for school and theyíd go
to a Phillies game loaded to the teeth on whatever fit in their mouths.†
This year, 1994, I decided I would make a grand gesture and hold the
opening festivities on my double-decker porch while my parents were
at work.† It was a brilliant idea. †Really, it was.
We pretended that it was
a normal day of school.† Everyone got up early so we could drink beer
and drive into Philly for the game.† We started off with a quarter-keg.†
Things got completely out of hand (a good thing) and we needed another
quarter-keg.† Someone with an ID went and got one.† I decided I wouldnít
drink.† I wouldnít be able to handle the clean-up operation and evacuation
procedures if I was loaded.† Therefore, I smoked pot.† People got me
really high, no questions asked, Ďcause it was MY kegger.† For the first
time ever, my very own twisted keg party" and it wasnít even NOON,
man!† What the fuck was goiní on?!?
It dawned on me around this
time that what I had essentially created was a strong conscientious
sense of youthful insanity: FUCK IT.† Things had gotten so quickly and
completely out of hand that I found myself in a prolonged moment of
I made some realizations
in this moment: "Itís 10:30 am.† Someone just went and picked up
another quarter-keg.† The school is half-a-mile away.† My adult neighbors
are in the yard.† My peers are puking in the yard.† Itís loud as hell.
Itís a bright beautiful sun-shiny day.† My peers are having trouble
walking.† Iím very very stoned, and I just donít give a fuck about shit."
My brain had completely zoned
on two premises: "shit happens," and "fuck it."
I was subconsciously aware
that the shit really WAS gonna happen" to me" once my parents
There were adults in my yard"
people from the neighborhood.† I thought to myself, "Ya know what?†
Theyíre cool.† They wonít tell my parents.† Theyíre cool.† Yeah.† Shitís
cool."† At the same time I was thinking, "Hey, weíre not that
obvious.† They probably think this is a school function or something."
This guy I sorta knew was
puking in a nicely groomed shrub near the garage.† I figured, "Itís
good fertilizer.† Just kick some mulch around.† Itíll be fine."†
Funny how things like that look so different in the daytime.† It looks
sooo" OUT there.† All out in the open and shit.† Fuck.†
It was slowly getting OUT
OF CONTROL and I knew it, but all I could think of was, "Fuck it."
Just fuck it.
My God, the Physics project.†
I remember people talking into the camera like escaped mental patients.†
Who woulda thought that Pennsyl-fuckiní-vania would have a neighborly
yard chock full Ďo young mental patients.† Was I one of them?"
or was I merely a caretaker?† I didnít feel like I was taking care"
I MADE IT HAPPEN.† IT WAS
ALL ON ME.† HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
Soon enough, it was time
for the game.† People started leaving in hoards.† It was a driving massacre
before the casualties could scream, and I couldíve been sued.† Thatís
what my dad said later.† Parents and neighbors were running rampant
around the yard making sure people were driving sober.† God knows we
had no checkpoint.† We were insane.† We gave no fucks.
Someone drove me somewhere.†
Thatís right, the game.† By this point, in my mind, the game wasnít
even happening.† I was in shock over what had just happened in my yard
before the sun could reach its zenith.† We all got to our seats somehow,
at least 30 of us, or thatís at least how many I noticed.† I tried my
best to block out the exact size of our raging herd because it really
was THAT insane.† A huge rowdy crowd of adolescents teaming with testosterone,
alcohol, pot, and who-knows what else.† It was a most disgusting display.†
I sat with my usual neutral friends and cringed at the actions of the
We took the cake.† We smothered
the icing.† We fired grappling hooks of lunacy into the air and reeled
in anything that got caught.† It was impossible to watch the game.†
It was actually embarrassing to be associated with everyone there.†
I did my best to shut it all out" ride it out, but it was no use.†
My face was an eternal cringe. †Yes sir.† It was me.† Iím to blame for
the madness.† I donít know why I love it, sir.† I just do.
My friends were laughing
and giving me the low-down dirty truth.† "Dude, your parents are
gonna kick your ass.† Holy shit."† All I could think of was, "Well,
I did it.† Itís done.† Thatís the beginning and end of it.† Thatís that.†
Oh shit.† Oh shit.† Oh shit.† Oh fuck.† Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck""†
People were starting fights during the 1st inning.† Women
were flashing their tits at us.† Beers were thrown this way and that.†
It was 1 in the afternoon.††
For the love of God, what
the fuck are all these kids doing here?!† Shouldnít they be in school
for godís sake?!?† Whatís happening to the SYSTEM?!
We were all thrown out of
the stadium sometime in the middle of the game.† It was complete and
utter chaos from where I was sitting.† We mustíve stood out like fireworks
exploding on the ground.† We were in the upper deck behind right field.†
The batters were probably distracted by our displays.† I moved with
the mob of escorted youngsters through the stairwells with about 6 security
guards.† It was easy to get a glimpse of us" we were impossible
not to miss.† Our stats were immeasurable.† Iím surprised we didnít
start a full-scale riot.† Again, it was obvious that none of us gave
any fucks at all.† It was a disgusting display.† I loved it.† We all
did.† We couldnít help it.† We were crazed and unsubstantiated.† Beautiful.†
There was nothing there.† We were helpless and insane.† Get us out of
here before our contagion goes spewing everywhere!† My God, what then???
I got home somehow.† People
were saying, "Good luck."† I thought I didnít need luck.†
No one was at my place at the moment.† No one was ever indoors throughout
the whole event.† Everything was cleaned up, deodorized, and otherwise
sterilized.† No need to get our panties in a bunch.† What the parents
didnít SEE didnít actually happen, right?† There was no way they could
†Apparently, my neighbors
werenít as cool as I thought.† They called my parents, my dad and step-mom
to be precise, before lunch to tell them that their yard was full of
kids going berserk with no supervision.† (HELL FUCKINí YEAH, BITCH!!!).†
This is how I became "fucked."
My dad was home first.† I
greeted him outside like the day breezed by.† See, I asked his permission
to let me chill at home on Senior Cut Day like everyone else.† My attendance
record was border-line perfect, my grades were good, so he decided that
it would be alright for me to straight-up skip a day of school.† Dadís
a good man, but he shouldíve seen past his joy of being able to let
me do something "unlawful" on account of my previous "good
behavior." " or was I just too damn sneaky and satanized?
I donít know.† Satan seems
to be a consistent yet infrequent meddler in my affairs, so maybe the
Devil made me do it; unforeseen by my fatherís glazed eyes" glazed
over by Aís and Bís and good attendance.† It only says so much, DAD!
What a reaming.† Holy fucking
Christ.† Dinner that night was a round-table of angry glares and drill
sergeant eyes.† The screaming and lecturing ensued after dinner.† I
was speechless.† There was nothing to say.† In my mind was, "Yes,
I fucked up.† I fucked up in a big way, but guess what?† Itís fuckiní
May, man!† Guess what?† Iím goiní to summer school in Penn State, man!†
Iím outta here.† So youíre glad Iím leaviní" well so the fuck am
I!† I guess weíre at a standstill"
"but why am I crying?"
I was in total lock-down
for the remaining few weeks of my senior year.† Iíd apparently shocked
my adult guardians in a majorly huge way.† We couldíve been sued for
everything if some kid died while driving drunk from my party.† I was
really irresponsible.† Yadda yadda yadda.
Yeah?† Well fuck it.† Maybe
I didnít think, "Fuck it," at the time, but now Iím realizing
"Fuck it."† In MY world, the responsibility to stay alive
is each our own.† In YOUR world, you lay blame and sue, dishing out
responsibility and guilt to appease some sense of JUSTICE in an unjust
world.† You take YOUR hammer of justice and try to hit a piŮata of righteousness
that doesnít exist.† There is only one rule in MY world: Stay pure.†
If youíre afraid of getting hit by a drunk driver then stay off the
road.† Shit happens quite often.† But there are some of us out here
who welcome the shit and say, "Let the shit happen and fall where
We should probably be having
an irresponsible party all the time, and I donít mean the Eddie Murphy
eighties single, "Party All The Time," I mean some serious
balls-out mutha fuckiní PARTYINí!† And if you look at the world around
you, it should be clear that weíre rapidly approaching a static state
of some truly phenomenal miraculous sinful ALL-PARTY.
Me, I donít party that much
these days.† I have a fine line between civility and all-out ridiculousness.†
Iíd rather lay low and avoid arrest.† When I find room, I shoot in for
a melee of psychedelic-induced reverie, but it doesnít happen often.†
Statistics are against me.
But where did this "fuck
it" mentality come from, eh?† Where did the youth of today find
that tarry goal?† From what pit did it spring?† Who started it?† When
will it end, or does the attitude itself signify The End?
I like to think that Elvis
started it.† He engaged white youth culture in a form of FUCK IT and
FUCK YOU known as Rock Ďn Roll.† Youth Society was reaching a threshold
and it wasnít gonna take much to bust the dam.† There was the dress,
the attitude, the hair-do, the snarl, and the idea that you were the
meanest, toughest, baddest muther fucker who ever stalked the earth.†
Rock Ďn Roll tied all these teenage whities together into a cause: to
uproot the foundations of old-whiteman society and scream, "FUCK
YOU!" and "FUCK IT!"† There were no rules to rock Ďn
roll.† Just crank it high, get fucked up, thrash some shit, and fuck.
Just do it.
Thatís what happened.
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